The Ultimate Shitpost
[THE ULTIMATE SHITPOST] is a Shitpost / OC 'hybrid, the first of it's kind. It is the technical '''Shitpost '''of '''Cameron '''in '''Part 6 - Bone Ocean, '''replacing his previous Shitpost, 'AND DYIN'. '''The Ultimate Shitpost, theoretically, could have come under the control of anybody, however, Cameron was the first person to complete the ritual written in '''Tim's Journal. THE RITUAL The ritual written in Tim's Journal is a multi-part process, requiring Cameron to travel across the country to complete it. Every step is written in semi-riddle format, a format Tim 'wrote in because he expected people to know what he was talking about. Thankfully, Cameron was ass backwards enough to understand the chicken scratch, and completed every step with only a lot of problems. 1.) ''FIND A WORTHY HOST THAT POSSESSES A SHITPOST CAPABLE OF STRIKING DOWN THE MOON. * This step requires that somebody with a long-ranged Shitpost, like a sniper rifle, be present to take on The Ultimate Shitpost at the end of the ritual. Cameron initially considered 'Dragonmama '''with her Shitpost 'LOVE 'to be the host, but in a failed speech check, Cameron slipped about his plans like a dumbass, thus resulting in all of the events of Bone Ocean. Cameron was forced to use himself as the host, despite the potentially catastrophic effects of The Ultimate Shitpost, as AND DYIN' is a slingshot, and counts. 2.) ''OBTAIN THE THREE HOLY GRAILS. ONE FROM THE KING, ABSENT OF RED, ONE FROM THE QUEEN, ABSENT OF YELLOW, AND ONE FROM THE JESTER, ABSENT OF GREEN. * This step requires that the person conducting the ritual must collect three hamburgers. One burger from Burger King, no ketchup, one from Wendy's, no mustard, and one from McDonald's, no pickles. They must remain in their wrappers until they are assembled at the ritual site, detailed in the third step. 3.) ARRIVE AT THE CRATER, THE MOST DESOLATE LOCATION I'VE KNOWN IN MY CAREER. * This step requires that the person conducting the ritual must assemble the host and all three patties at an Alamo Draft House. Since the theater was still active at the time of Part 6, Cameron was forced to pay for a ticket and sneak the burgers into the movie. The scent tipped off the squad of attack dogs, so Cameron had to pay some fifteen year old kids a couple blocks down from the theater five bucks a piece to wrestle the dogs. Only one kid perished, due to getting hit by a car on the way to the theater. 4.) CONSUME IN THE FOURTH CHAMBER. FORTY MINUTES AFTER, SHIELD YOURSELF FROM PUBLIC EYES AS THE TRANSFORMATION UNFOLDS. * The host must eat all three burgers in under two and a half minutes while seated in theater four. After watching whatever movie is on for forty minutes, the host needs to hide somewhere in the theater. Cameron decided the best place for this was the 'out of order' bathroom, so it is unknown if The Ultimate Shitpost was a result of leaking radiation or the ritual actually worked. Fans like to assume the former, so in the movie, Cameron actually misreads the instructions and The Ultimate Shitpost is a mutated OC, a nod to the headcanon. After the fourth step, the host, being Cameron, obtains The Ultimate Shitpost. ABILITIES The Ultimate Shitpost allows the user a deadly amount of charisma, bringing all to their knees in fits of laughter. In Shitpost form, The Ultimate Shitpost is a large cannon, roughly the size of a big dog, like, a really big dog, that fires beams of rainbow light. Anyone hit by these beams will quite literally laugh themselves out of existence, overwhelmed by all the Doritos, Mountain Dew, weed, floating sunglasses, anime girls, etc. Cameron first shows off this power by clearing out the Alamo, setting the stage for the final showdown. In OC form, The Ultimate Shitpost takes the form of a figure that is horse from the waist down, but only half a horse, for some reason. A giggling anime girl with ridiculous pink hair sits on the shoulders, only opening her eyes for her most powerful attack. ---TECHNIQUES--- 'Memeipulation '- The Ultimate Shitpost allows the user full control over the '''Joke Time Continuum. The user decides what is funny, what jokes bounce well off of what, what jokes are offensive, and much more. The user literally becomes the master of humor, which is ironic because Cameron wasn't funny before achieving this ability. Total Recall '- The Ultimate Shitpost allows the user to make really good movie references at really good times, causing them to have a lot of friends with similar interests. '''Fuck This '- The Ultimate Shitpost's ultimate power is the ability to force deletion of entire chats. Right before Cameron's defeat at the hands of Dragonmama and surviving company, Cameron uses the last of his energy to cause such an outrageous discourse within '''Boyochat '''that '''Boyonetta '''and '''Daddy '''step down from their positions as admins. Once Cameron dies soon after, the chat is left without moderation, and ceases to exist. The sheer power that '''Boyochat '''had over the multiverse causes an imbalance, resulting in the forming of a new, mysterious chat known as '''Boyochat².